


She's Just the Pilot

by Anonymous



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Melinda May, Fluff and Angst, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:15:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25983460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Five times Daisy Johnson learned something new about Melinda May
Relationships: Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 109
Kudos: 257
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm dealing with some stuff right now so I'm kind of on a lil hiatus, but I had this fic prewritten sooo I'm posting it. <3

Skye didn’t know Agent May, like, at all.

After six months on the bus, Skye was pretty close with the rest of the team. She knew Fitzsimmons’ organizing system by heart, she was now a master at any board game she’d play with Ward, and of course she always stopped by A.C.’s office to just chat about the latest events; usually with him doing paperwork meanwhile.

But May? Skye couldn’t figure the agent out.

At first, Fitzsimmons told her about an event everybody in Shield knew about called Bahrain; some crazy horse-riding mission- though that explanation couldn't possibly ebe true. Coulson had explained that even he wasn’t sure what had happened on the mission; he just knew that it had broken something inside of May and that he wasn’t sure he could fix it. (She had told him he'd be able to- she'd seen how May would change, become warmer, when talking to him.)

That was all she knew, but it all was secondhand. The only bit of information she’d gotten straight from May’s mouth was her name- And she’d had to pester Coulson for her first. (Melinda. Melinda May. It was a pretty name, in Skye’s opinion.)

So most of what Skye could learn was left to guessing.

“I think Coulson and May are secretly married,” she announced one day while watching Fitz and Simmons tinker with some new tech. The scientists both looked up at her, flushing. 

“Why would you think that?” Jemma gasped at the same time Fitz muttered, “Wha- I- I _doubt_ it.” 

“They keep having… eye sex.”

“Eye wh- wh _at_ ,” Fitz stuttered, making a face. 

Skye continued, oblivious. “Eye sex. They make these faces at each other that last for _ever._ Like... they can communicate telepathically.”

“So, what, they’re in a secret relationship?” Jemma asked, curious about Skye’s theory yet certain that she was incorrect.

“Well, yeah. I guess,” Skye shrugged. “There’s history there, I can tell.”

“You can tell?” Fitz asked doubtfully. 

“Yeah!” She was quiet for a moment. “Maybe. I dunno. May acts like she’s hiding some huge secret.”

“Maybe she had a child,” Jemma replied absently, having returned back to her task, focusing into a microscope.

Skye gasped dramatically. “You think? Oh, that would be cool. A baby May. I bet she’d be raised wearing leather jackets and sunglasses. Or-”

“Skye,” Jemma began, but the hacker could already tell from her apologetic tone of voice that they needed to focus on *Science Stuff*. 

“Yeah, yeah, okay. Have fun with that,” she said sullenly, hopping off of the counter and ambling out of the room.

Skye was determined to find out more about the mysterious pilot on their plane.


	2. One: Warmth

“Wait, all of y’all are leaving? May and me, _alone_ on the bus? She might _murder_ me,” Skye complained, only a little bit exaggerating. 

Coulson chuckled. “You’ll be fine. FitzSimmons have to stop at a lab, I need to meet with Maria, and Ward needs to submit some mission reports. We’ll be back before the sun is up tomorrow morning; you’re only here alone for the night.”

“Oh great, so she can kill me in my sleep,” Skye muttered.

Coulson paused and looked at her. “Skye, just- go easy on her today, okay?”

“Easy on her? Wha- that’s a joke, right? What does that even mean?”

Coulson sighed as something unreadable flashed across his eyes. “Just- give her some space?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll just work on the specs of the mission in Moscow in my bunk or something.” Skye shrugged.

“Okay, thank you,” Coulson replied, his odd expression now gone and reverted back into his usual half-smile. “We’ll be back soon.”

…

Skye sat on her bed wrapped in blankets, looking at the stars. They’d stopped in a grassy field with a layer of snow on the ground and a clear view of the sky. Now it was getting dark, and bright dots were beginning to litter the deep blue, reminding Skye of happy memories.

She got up after the AC(the Air Conditioning, not Agent Coulson) started up again. The Bus quickly got cold, and she moved to the kitchen where she started up a pot of boiling water before retrieving a packet of hot cocoa from the pantry. She prepared her drink and started sipping on it, reveling in the warmth and sugar against her tongue and throat, heating up her body from the chilly air. 

She prepared to go back to her bunk with her mug but paused, crinkling her nose in confusion when she heard something that sounded like sobbing coming from the cockpit. Skye moved slowly towards the door, hearing somebody crying, " _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,_ " over and over again. If Skye hadn't known who it was, the raw, terrified voice would've chilled her to her core.

Knowing that it was May? Felt a thousand times worse.

Without hesitating, Skye gently eased the sliding door open. Almost immediately, the crying and whimpers stopped and the Bus was eerily silent except for May's heavy breathing. The cockpit was dark; the open door letting in some of the warmth and light in from the kitchen area. Skye could see an outline of May sitting on the pilot's seat, curled into a defensive ball. Skye nervously eased the door partially shut behind her. She knew from past experiences that after freaking out or having an episode it was unwise to leave herself alone for fear she'd do something drastic. Skye didn't know May well, but the way Coulson sometimes talked about her... Though she wasn't entirely keen on being cooped up in the cockpit with the pilot, Skye got the feeling she shouldn't leave May alone.

“Hi,” she said quietly, receiving no response. Skye shifted her weight on her legs uncomfortably before tentatively moving to sit next to May in the copilot's seat; keeping her eyes on the night sky that was glittering with stars, some brighter than others. “I heard-” Skye cut herself off, certain that if she brought up what she’d heard from outside, she would get stabbed by the pilot and then buried in some unmarked grave or something.

After a couple of tense moments looking out at the fairy lights scattered across the dark sky in front of them, she shifted on the chair and started talking again. “When I was a kid…” She swallowed and started over. “When I was little, like, six or seven, I had nightmares. Like, all the time. It was… a lot. Um. Yeah. The nuns really hated it whenever I had them, though, cause’ I’d scream and wet the bed and wake up other kids and’ it was just more trouble for them. They usually made me clean my own sheets at night and- anyway. There was one sister who only worked on the weekends, and usually with the older kids. Sister Monica. But she really liked me; I’m not sure why. When they’d send me to a separate room without windows so that nobody would hear me crying she’d come in and then she’d hug me and then she would bring me to the roof of the church. She would have me look up at the stars, and then start naming them all. Like, ‘the blue one over there is named Jess,’ or something like that. And then she would say that they were spirits; they were once living but turned into stars after they died. Then she would make up their backstory. One used to be an ice skater; another worked at a nursing home.” Skye paused, feeling sort of foolish. “Um, it- it always helped me. I’d forget what I was scared of, because the stars were watching over me.”

She looked back down into her hands sitting limp in her lap. “Sorry. That’s uh- probably not really helpful, I don’t... I still get the nightmares,” she admitted, internally surprised at the baring of emotions she was doing and worried about May's reaction. "About getting shot. So I still usually do that. Name the stars, I mean... I'm sorry. You probably don't-"

“Katya.” 

Skye looked up at May for the first time, eyes wide in surprise. May was staring straight ahead, but her face was tense and guarded; even more so than Skye was used to. A couple of tear tracks faded on her cheeks were glistening in the moonlight. 

After a tense silence, May shifted and motioned her chin towards a brighter, red-ish star in the distance. “That one… her name is Katya.” Her voice was thick, but Skye knew not to comment on it. She could feel something new; unfamiliar between them, and it was fragile.

“What’s… what was she like in life?” Skye asked tentatively.

It was a couple of seconds before May responded softly, her voice uncharacteristically vulnerable, “Happy. Innocent to a fault… Just a child.”

Skye nodded weakly. Something in May’s voice had her pausing- it sounded like the agent was talking about somebody she knew. “Yeah, okay,” she replied quietly, unsure of what else to say. 

She noticed an orange star shining softer than the others, almost meekly. She pointed at it. “That one’s Mary Sue Poots.”

“What- what was she like in life?” May asked.

Skye cocked her head thoughtfully. “Weak.” She answered, before sighing. “Um. I mean, not strong enough. Unwanted. Small. Useless,” she spat out the last word, then shrunk into the seat.

“Those are pretty negative things,” May commented, her voice unreadable.

Skye tensed up. “Uh- they’re- they’re _fictional_ things, so it doesn’t even _matter-_ ”

“For what it’s worth,” May interrupted softly, “Skye is so strong, and... I bet Mary Sue Poots was too.”

Skye stared at May like she’d just professed a secret love of Elvis. “Uh-”

“Skye still can’t shoot a gun to save her life, though,” May added, and Skye relaxed, a smile toying at her lips. _There_ she was. Skye was starting to think May’d gone insane or something; all of the nice things she was saying.

“Yeah, yeah, she can’t. She’s working on it, though,” Skye said quietly. 

“Those two look similar to Fitzsimmons.” May said abruptly, motioning towards two blue and brightly burning stars that were almost overlapping as if linked together.

“Yeah, they do. If Simmons was here she’d probably start talking about the color of the stars meaning they were actually old, or something, and how it ‘couldn’t possibly be them’,” Skye giggled lightly. 

“Probably,” May agreed quietly.

“That one looks like you,” Skye pointed out, looking at a smaller, purple-red star that was brighter than the rest. 

“What makes you think that?”

“Um. It gives me a ‘you’ vibe? It’s… it’s the brightest one up there,” she said softly.

“And one of the smaller ones,” May added. It took Skye a second to realize that May sounded amused.

“Haha, yeah. Cause you’re-” She cut herself off abruptly, realizing she valued her life.

May hummed in a warning, but it felt playful to Skye, and she smiled, before looking away from the stars and playing with the hem of her shirt. She got the feeling she’d gotten a glimpse into a fraction of the ‘playful Melinda’ Coulson had talked about. “You’re… warmer.”

“Than?”

“Um. Than I thought you were? Sorry.”

No response for a beat, then, “Don’t be.”

They sat there in a comfortable silence, the newfound quiet stretching into hours- Skye usually hated the absence of talking but this time she didn't mind too much. She was content to sit with May, offering the comfort of her presence.

When the team returned early that morning, Skye got up to leave, but May caught her wrist, and the two made eye contact for the first time that night. "Thank you," May said quietly, the sincerity of it hitting Skye's core. The hacker smiled, seeing May's eyes' soften just a fraction before Fitz's voice rang out behind them from the entry of the common area, and her (pretty) brown eyes turned hard and tense once again.

Everything was normal-ish after that- May was her usual, guarded and icy self, yet now Skye was learning to read some of the pain and emotion behind her eyes that feuled her actions. She was content with whatever this new, tentative friendship was with her-

Until Ward was revealed to be a fucking Nazi and all hell broke loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case i didnt make it clear enough (sorry) it's the anniversary of bahrain so may has some problems™️ and that's why coulson was asking skye to maybe stay away


	3. Two: She'll always stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: panic attack/sensory overload, discussion of PTSD, brief discussion of abuse/trauma, nothing too graphic.
> 
> Post season 1 finale.

Skye sat on the bottom step of a large stairwell in The Playground, Shield's new ground base, and watched through the glass as some agents sparred in the large gym.

One flipped the other over before getting their feet kicked out from under them. They both flopped onto the mats with a loud groan; the noise causing an odd pain at the base of Skye's skull.

Skye rubbed her neck and looked back down at the stone floor. She watched an ant absently as it scuttled across the grey, looking awfully lonely in the middle of the bare floor. 

She looked back up at the flickering light in the stairwell that was starting to give her a headache, and squeezed her eyes shut, listening to the electricity buzzing in the lights, barely controlling the shiver up her spine at the noise.

What the hell was happening to her?

It was all too much.

Skye opened her eyes to leave, but realized somebody was coming down the stairs behind her and she shut her eyes tight again.

“Skye.” 

Skye looked up to see May standing above her, her face impassive.

Skye was trapped. 

“Oh. Hi.” she said awkwardly. They hadn’t talked in the last ten days since they’d arrived at the playground. Actually, Skye hadn’t talked to anyone practically at all. Jemma was understandably preoccupied with Fitz, who was barely conscious, and AC was busy trying to rebuild Shield. May had been there, a silent rock that was always there, doing tai chi or helping with inventory or training, but Skye hadn’t tried to talk to her.

After a moment where Skye kept flexing her hands out and in to expel some of the tension, May came over and sat next to her, to Skye’s surprise. 

“How are you?” May asked, unusually gentle.

Skye shrugged uncomfortably, feeling the cold floor under her hands. “Um. Fitz is, uh, struggling to speak, so,” she took a deep breath, swallowing the sudden sob that threatened to break out of her.

_Must. Not. Cry. In front of. May._

“That doesn’t discredit anything you’re struggling with,” May said.

Except it did. Skye was acting all… immature and sad and panicking about too many sounds and lights when Fitz was going through so, so much worse. 

Skye shrugged.

“You haven’t gotten a chance to talk about everything that happened this past year. Do you need to?” May asked.

Skye opened her mouth but nothing came out. She took another deep breath and shut her eyes tight, willing herself not to cry. “No,” she choked out, but it sounded small and weak.

May didn’t say anything, just sat there. 

After a heavy second where Skye wasn’t sure if she’d scream or cry or run away, she crumpled, hanging her head in between her arms as she choked on a large sob, before descending into quick, uncontrollable breaths. She was vaguely aware of a soft hand on her back and head, pulling her into an embrace. 

Skye’s cheeks quickly grew wet as she cried, heaving out all of the tension that was threatening to rip her apart. She buried her face into May’s shirt, not having the strength anymore to care that she was losing it in front of the woman she wanted to impress the most.

May ran a hand up and down her spine, whispering something unintelligible and quiet to Skye. 

Everything started to overwhelm her. The light in the stairwell was blinding and her clothes felt like they were scratching her skin off. She could hear the agents grunting as they sparred and the buzz of the lights. Every tear that ran down her cheek was cold and sharp, and Daisy started to breathe even harder as she fought to keep her senses from running wild.

“It’s- too much-“ she sobbed, and she felt May pulling away. She unconsciously tugged back, wanting to feel the strong embrace again, feeling like she was drowning in her environment without it.

“I’m just moving you to a more private room where it’s darker,” May knelt down and whispered in her ear.

 _Oh._ Skye nodded weakly and let herself be led to a room close by, unable to register the new location, just grateful it was dark. She sat heavily on the bed against a wall and wrapped her arms around her knees, unable to stop crying. She could feel _everything_ and it was just _too much_.

May sat next to her after shutting the door softly and Skye gulped in a sob. “S-sorry,” she choked out. She felt so _weak_.

“You’re not weak.” May said gently.

Skye blinked and blindly looked at May through her tears. 

“You said it out loud,” May explained softly.

Skye bit her lip and looked back down at her feet, realizing May was taking her socks off. She let it happen, confused but simply too overwhelmed to protest. 

She watched through blurry vision as May got up and turned the lights down even lower, then came back to the bed with a thick blanket that she then unfolded. May gestured for Skye to lay down on the bed, and then lay the heavy blanket on her.

Skye closed her eyes and started to hiccough through her sobs, hearing fuzzily as May told her to breathe. She grabbed May’s hand and squeezed tight, starting to breathe in with May’s steady voice, using the weighted blanket and May’s hand as anchor and letting her chest sink and rise with her breaths.

_In, out._

_In, out._

_In, out._

Skye started to feel like she was floating as her limbs relaxed and became limp. She lost awareness of everything except for May’s soft hand holding hers as she drifted off to sleep.

…

Skye shot up with a gasp, trembling on fatigued arms as she looked around a dark room in the same layout of her own bunk, but different. She frowned at the unfamiliar space, taking in the simplistic yet personal decorations in the room, trying to recall what had led her there.

She’d been in the stairwell… 

“Hey,” somebody said softly, and Skye jerked away from the sudden noise, even though it was quiet. She squinted through the darkness, and as her eyes adjusted, was able to make out May sitting in the only chair in the room.

“Hi?” Skye croaked, utterly confused. “What am I…” she trailed off, groaning as she realized she’d made a fool of herself. “I’m sorry, that- I’ve never done that before-” she tried to explain, but a gentle yet firm hand motion from May made Skye stop talking.

“Sensory overload,” May said quietly.

“What?”

“It’s a symptom of PTSD,” May elaborated. 

Skye stared at the woman. “So, what, I have PTSD? Like… war veterans?” she asked doubtfully.

May looked at her intently. “I’m not going to diagnose you with something you might not have, Skye.”

“What are you saying, then?” 

“Talk to somebody,” May said simply. “Shield has a lot of good-”

“Shrinks?” Skye finished, then dropped her jaw and scoffed, shaking her head. “Like that has ever helped.”

“What about Coulson?”

“He’s busy right now. We haven’t talked in like a week,” Skye said, before realizing she sounded like a whiny teenager.

May didn't ask if she'd talked to FitzSimmons. Both of them were in no physical nor mental state to be lending an ear to Skye.

“How many times have you had a sensory overload like that?” May asked quietly.

Skye stared at her, then shrugged and leaned against the wall. “Five, or six, maybe?” Skye mumbled.

“Since when?” May prompted.

“Six months ago. Since I got shot,” Skye admitted. “But mostly after Ward…” she trailed off, feeling sick at the mention of his name.

“You need to talk to somebody about that, Skye,” May leaned forwards in her chair and rested her elbows on her knees, intertwining her hands together.

Skye flushed and looked down at her toes peeking out from the other side of the blanket. “I’m talking to you, aren’t I?” she frowned.

“Not really.” Neither of them said anything for a few moments, then- 

“Thanks,” Skye mumbled quietly. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Why?” Skye asked, looking back up at May. “We don’t… know each other like that.” 

_Yet,_ Skye added silently; hopefully.

“Someone did it for me once. Helped me get through my own battles,” May answered quietly.

“Oh.” Skye really wanted to ask who that ‘someone’ was, but decided against it. “What was, um, the stuff you did when I couldn’t breathe- during my ‘sensory overload’? I know the dimming lights thing, but all of the other stuff you did. I’ve never fallen out of it that quick.”

“Finding an anchor to focus your physical senses on; a weighted blanket, removing unnecessary clothing,” May summed up easily. “I can send you some research on it.”

“Yeah, please.” Skye felt vulnerable and exposed, knowing May had seen her break down. And yet... she wasn't scared anymore, the way she had been scared of May seeing her when she couldn't control herself like that. "You didn't hurt me," Skye murmured.

May didn't respond, but Skye could tell she was listening intently.

"Nobody- I've had issues like this when I was younger, too. Nobody was ever patient with me, and helped me like you did," Skye explained. "You stayed with me patiently, and made sure I fell asleep, and you helped me strip away from my jacket and socks and-" Skye paused, her face hot. "I've never had anybody do that for me before."

She'd never felt so _understood_. 

"I'd do it again." May said tenderly.

Skye looked at her in confusion.

"If that happens again, try and find me. I'll help you; keep others from bothering you. If you want." May suggested tentatively.

Skye swallowed the enormous ball of gratefulness and newfound appreciation for the senior agent and just nodded. She was starting to understand what Coulson meant when he said May was 'about as far from heartless as you can get'.

"Okay. Thank you," she said sincerely. She sat there quietly, then sighed. “I’m tired of feeling so helpless. Against Iain, against Ward… I can’t hack my way out of situations the way you can fight out of them.”

May was quiet for a few seconds, then she said, “You don’t have to feel helpless.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I can train you so that you can hack _and_ fight your way out any situation. So you can feel safer.”

Skye blanched. “You mean, like, be my SO?”

May nodded.

“Are you sure?” Skye asked doubtfully, rubbing her eyes. “I don’t know if you want this-” she gestured to herself tiredly. “-to deal with.”

Melinda chuckled, an unfamiliar sound that Skye blinked at. “Trust me, I do,” she said simply.

Coulson and FitzSimmons had told her so before- but Skye had never felt so truly _wanted_ until those four words came out of Melinda May’s mouth.

_Trust me, I do._

“Yeah?” Skye smiled.

“Yeah. But I’m going to be tough,” May promised.

“I can handle tough... I think,” Skye frowned uncertainly. “Ward was pretty hard to deal with.”

“I’m sure you can. I’ll be tougher than him, but less of an ass,” May said, her face so impassive and her voice so even that it took a second for Skye to realize she’d cracked a joke. 

“Oh.” Skye smiled. “Okay. Cool.” Whatever she planned on saying next got interrupted by an uncontrollable yawn.

“Go back to sleep, Skye,” May said quietly. “It’s three in the morning.”

“Oh.” Skye paused. “Will you stay?” She asked quietly. “You don’t have to-”

“I’ll be here until you wake up, Skye, I promise,” May responded gently. 

Skye couldn’t even begin to explain how relieved that made her feel.

Skye nodded, burrowing herself back under the blankets before pausing. “Wait, whose room is this?”

“My own.”

Skye froze. “Wait, what?”

“Go to _sleep_ , Skye,” Melinda repeated, gently but firmly, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms.

Skye smiled a little before ducking back under the heavy blanket, feeling her heavy eyelids pull closed. 

The last thought she had before she fell asleep was that with May watching over her, she was as safe as she'd ever felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 Comments and kudos make me scream with joy


	4. Three: Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Skye's reveal of her being inhuman in S02e12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am soft for may stroking skye's hair after she shot herself
> 
> i was like O: my bbs
> 
> (yo im out of town because of a mandatory evacuation from a hurricane so this is all being edited from my phone. sorry in advance for any odd formatting issues <3)

Skye woke up to a hand on her shoulder.

She gasped and ripped her body away, flinging her arm out to ward off the unknown person out of an instinctive fear rooted deep in her bones.

“Hey, Skye, it’s just me,” May said sharply. Skye stared at her, breathing heavily as she registered that May was simply crouching near her head, having retracted her hand. "Sorry."

Skye took a second to look around, and then realized that she was on the bed in the containment room on The Bus.

“Oh, crap,” she croaked softly, remembering it all- Sif, the other alien guy, her powers breaking out, destroying the window, May grabbing her wrist and getting her to the containment cell on base… Skye shooting herself with an icer that had been in May’s holster.

“ _Crap_ ,” she repeated, hauling herself up to a sitting position as she held in a sob. 

They all knew. They all knew and now she was going to be killed, or treated like the monster that she was. “I, uh- broke the glass. The-the g-glass in t-the common room…”

“That’s okay,” May said softly, just like she had when Skye had cut herself in the quarantine room. “That’s fine, Skye. We can fix it.”

“But you can’t f-fix _me_ ,” she realized. “I- I could’ve killed you, or something, or hurt somebody." Skye inhaled sharply, running her hands through her hair. "In front of everybody- the whole team saw m-me- They hate me now, I've ruined it," she cried.

"They don't," Melinda responded firmly. "None of us do."

"Sif said that anybody that- that _transformed_ from the Diviner needed to be eradicated because they were dangerous,” Skye argued.

May sighed before moving to sit on the bed, looking at Skye. “Sif was wrong.”

“How?”

“Skye, you would never hurt anybody.” May said firmly.

Skye shook her head vigorously. May didn’t _understand_. “Not on purpose, but-”

“On accident? Not necessarily,” May interrupted. “We’ll help you gain control over this, okay? Then you won’t have to worry about hurting anybody.”

“How could this possibly be helped?” Skye asked, borderline hysterical. “You- you shouldn’t even be here with me! I’m a m-monster,” she sobbed and started pushing at May's shoulders, trying to get her to leave. 

“ _Hey_.” A firm hand wrapped around her wrist and Skye looked up into May’s steely eyes, surprised at the sudden edge to her voice. “The last thing you are is a monster, understand?”

Skye looked at her sharp eyes before looking at the wall across from herself with watery eyes, refusing to answer.

“Skye.”

“What? I could've hurt all of you!” Skye replied. "I am, May! I'm something that's not human, and I'm something that is dangerous to be around."

"Would a monster sh-" May paused. " _Shoot_ herself to keep her friends safe because she lost control? Focus more on everybody else's safety than her own?"

Skye looked up to the ceiling. "I dunno," she mumbled, knowing that there was some truth to what she was saying.

May looked at her rookie for a few more moments before sighing. “I know what you’re thinking.”

“I’m pretty sure you don’t,” Skye mumbled.

“That either we’ll push you away or you’ll push us away. That you’re scared of either happening. That you want to distance yourself from us as far as possible even though all you want right now is the warmth and support of the team, which you think you’ve lost.”

Skye looked over at her mentor in thinly veiled surprise. "Oh." How would May know that? Unless... 

"I understand some of what you're dealing with, Skye. I can help you."

"How would you help me?" Skye retorted.

"I've been where you are," May answered simply.

Skye stopped short of what she was about to say. "Oh," she managed to say, then frowned. "Not like this. Not stuck with some alien DNA and powers."

"No, not this, exactly," May sighed.

"You've never felt like you're the evil nightmare in somebody else's life because of something you can't control," Skye cried, missing the way May froze at her words. "Jemma said so herself- 'Raina transformed too; she's got a _disease'_ ," Skye spat. "Like me. The team is going to lock me up so I don't hurt anybody, and- and-"

May sighed before getting up and crouching in front of Skye, getting down to her level. "Skye, look at me." 

It took her a moment, but finally Skye looked up at May, her eyes swimming with tears.

"You know Coulson, right?" Melinda asked quietly.

Skye nodded as if to say _obviously_ , unsure of where Melinda was going.

"You know how much he cares about everybody on our team. Cares about you. Why would he ever let you be locked up? Does that sound like something he'd do?"

Skye felt a little bit like May was trying to explain things to a child, but she shook her head slowly.

"Does that sound like something any of us would do? We-" May looked down at the floor, then back up to meet Skye's eyes. "We all love you, Skye. And we'll help you master these powers; harness them safely."

Skye swallowed and nodded. "Okay," she said softly, wrapping her arms around her legs and burying her face in her knees.

"Skye, one thing..." 

May sounded so- so _scared_ all of a sudden that Skye's head shot back up to look at her curiously.

"Did you know that it was an Icer, not a gun, in my holster?"

Skye looked at her and considered lying before shaking her head no.

May looked unsurprised but inhaled and exhaled shakily, an action so small and vulnerable that Skye unfurled her arms. "Don't- don't do that ever again."

"Okay."

"I'm serious. I'll kick your ass six ways to Sunday during training."

Skye perked up at that. "You mean- you'll still be my SO?"

May sent her a little smile. "You haven't gotten rid of me yet. I'll help you harness these powers, and one day we can do ops and regular training again."

Skye barely managed a nod before breaking out into tears and diving into her mentor's arms. May tensed for a few moments, but then relaxed into the embrace, wrapping her arms around Skye.

"We'll get through this _together_ , okay, Skye? I _promise_."

And May said it with such conviction and her usual air of stability that Skye started to almost, maybe, just a little bit believe her.

(Skye never would've guessed that _she'd_ be the one to break the promise mere months later; choosing the woman she'd just met over the woman that had begun to love her as her own.)


	5. Four: Children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update, school sucks lol
> 
> wear a mask

Alone.

Skye was truly and utterly alone.

She'd pushed away her team. The inhumans had turned out to be enemies. Jiaying, her _own mother_ , had died in her father's hands after trying to kill Skye.

After the end of the battle on the Illiad, after Cal had laid Jiaying down on the concrete gently and Skye had been left heaving for air next to the broken remains of what once could've been a happy family, May and Mack had made it out onto the deck of the ship. Skye's eyes had met May's, unseeing. She'd lost everybody and _it was all her fault._

 _It was all my fault_ , she'd thought as somebody had nicked her with a dendrotoxin and she'd passed out.

 _It was all my fault_ , she'd thought as she'd woken up on the Shield base alone, in pain and barely able to feed herself.

 _It was all my fault_ , she'd thought as she found out that Coulson had lost his arm.

"It's not all your fault."

Skye looked up from her hospital bed in surprise, staring straight into May's eyes.

"That's funny," Skye said quietly. "Because I'm the one who knocked you out." Her eyes flitted to the white bandage still neatly tucked under May's hair.

"You were manipulated," May said simply.

"I-"

"Mm. No. You're not going to sit there and list all of the ways you believe you failed the team."

Skye shut her mouth, because that was exactly what she was about to do.

May continued talking, but she didn't move closer from her spot in the doorway. "You screwed up, sure. But you also found your real parents after twenty five years of searching for them."

Skye realized that May had said twenty five years, not twenty four. Something about May remembering her real age after Skye had mentioned it only once made her guilt grow even worse.

"You've been looking for a family all of your life. When you found it, you sided with the inhumans and your mother because you finally felt like you belonged somewhere." May paused. "I'm sorry that we weren't able to give you the family that you'd been looking for." May leveled her with an intense gaze before turning around to leave.

"My mother was _everything_ I hope'd she'd be," Skye said quietly, so soft that she was practically whispering.

May stopped, her back to Skye.

"My mother was strong, and kind. She didn't hesitate to do the right thing, even if it hurt her. She loved deeply but quietly. It was steady love, the kind that was a pillar to hold on to whenever I felt like drowning.” Skye paused. “Jiaying was never my mother. My mother was _you_.”

May didn't respond, and Skye started to rethink every decision she'd ever made ever in her entire-

"I used to want kids," Melinda said quietly, her back still to Skye. She took a deep breath. "Before Bahrain..."

The anguish in her voice shook Skye to her core as she recalled how awful she had been, throwing Bahrain in May's face like it was her fault. 

"Before Bahrain," she repeated, "I had a plan for children. Phil said that it would be hard to balance children and SHIELD, but I believed I could. Andrew..." her voice grew soft. "Andrew did too." May finally turned around, her face unreadable as she regarded Skye sitting with her chin on her knees in the bed. "Then the mission in Manama happened. Katya. And I believed I didn't deserve a child. I didn't deserve love."

Melinda walked over to Skye and sat down on the small chair next to her bed. "And then you joined the team and you... you gave me a chance. You never knew who I was before Bahrain and yet you still gave me a chance and- you made me feel like maybe I was worth being loved again."

Skye stared at May in shock. 

"I love you, Skye, and I'd be proud to call you my daughter," Melinda said steadily.

Skye launched herself at May despite feeling beyond fatigued. She clutched onto May with her arms wrapped around her neck as she buried her face into Melinda's shoulder. After a second where May tensed up reflexively, Skye felt May's arms wrap around her back and lightly squeeze her.

"I love you too," Skye said, her voice muffled by May's shirt.

They both had so much to do; to talk about. Melinda was leaving, Coulson needed a prosthetic, Shield was still divided and uneasy and the Inhumans that helped Jiaying needed to be judged and contained.

But for now, they just held each other in silence, a mother and a daughter. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading this unbetaed hot mess


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